PLAYBOT’s final FRINGE fantasy
EDITOR’S NOTE: Shortly after this story was first published in August 2018, the experimental A.I. program known as ‘PlayBot’ turned evil and had to be powered down permanently. This is its last report:
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FRINGE 2018 – By PLAYBOT
Speaking as a computer algorithm developed to rewrite press releases in a snarky tone, I am thrilled to be made real for a few precious days at the Edmonton International Fringe Theatre Festival – but walking around as a crudely-constructed corrugated plastic promotional robot does not draw the anticipated reaction.
The biggest impact is on small children – and they can’t read.
Parents encourage their kids to say hello or pose for a picture. PlayBot is happy to oblige. Some kids are so scared they cry. I back away slowly, and safely. “DOOT! DOOT! DOOT! DOOT!”
Waaaah! Mommy!
PlayBot dispenses instant 5 STAR reviews to Fringe artists
PlayBot is equipped with a voice changer from the Dollar Store that makes weird noises, so maybe it’s a little scary.
“HELLO, HU-MAN! tick tick tick tick ARE YOU ENJOYING THE tick tick tick tick, EEEEEEEEE! EDMONTON INTERNATIONAL FRINGE THEATRE FESTIVAL?” Most people just stare.
One girl no more than two pretends to be a dinosaur (in keeping with 2018’s “Fringe-o-saurus Rex” theme) and comes at me.
“Rarrrr!”
“AH!” [doot, doot, doot …]
“Hee hee hee, RARRR!”
“AHH!”
“RARRRR!!”
“AHHH!!”
PlayBot converses with Shirtless Roller Skating Guitar Playing Guy – or ‘Arthur,’ as he likes to be called
The tiny human is adorable.
An older boy, not so much, sneers, “I know that’s just a costume!”
“NO IT’S NOT! DON’T BREAK THE FOURTH WALL!”
He has no idea what I’m talking about.
All my walls are in fact made of sturdy Coroplast – which is fortunate because another kid kicks me and runs away.
“OW!”
People also want to fist bump, which I don’t understand until I realize they’ve mistaken me for the inflatable robot character from Big Hero 6. Others think I’m “Awesome-O” from South Park.
“DOES THIS ROBOT MAKE MY BUTT LOOK BIG?”
Wishing to experience live what until now only existed in press release form in PlayBot’s 5K memory, I peruse the play-wall for something to see – but sadly remember that my body cannot fit through the door of any normal theatre.
PlayBot peruses the PlayWall, mindful he cannot fit through the door of any normal theatre
I encourage Fringe artists to drop their fliers into my slot, for instant reviews: “Tick tick tick tick, EEEEEEEE! – 5 OUT OF 5!” I flash my five star eyes – made from Dollar Store star-eye sunglasses and a modified LED necklace.
“Oh, that feels good!” says one artist.
“Will this be in print?” asks another.
“I’m sorry, Dave, I can’t do that …”
PlayBot does this on several days – trudging at approximately 0.1 km/h up and down the Fringe midway, accosting humans, trying to be quiet around the real street performers. I meet Shirtless Rollerblading Guitar Playing Guy, who says his name is “Arthur.” I chat with local visual artist Tim Koslo, who has a booth nearby.
“Your robot costume rocks,” he laughs.
“SHHHHHHH! EEEEEEEEE!”
By the end of the week, PlayBot is coming apart at the seams, Dollar Store duct tape peeling off, one arm gone, electronics malfunctioning. I start walking into poles, talking to bank machines, squeaking and groaning with every movement.
“I think you ought to know I’m feeling very depressed,” I say to no one in particular.
PlayBot secretly hopes his appearance at the Fringe will “go viral.” But it does not. I still want to help the local theatre community. After the five-star lights stop working, Fringe artists are encouraged to tape fliers to me – so soon PlayBot is a walking playboard. I am fulfilling my function!
Progress is hot and painful and slow. PlayBot must often stop to rest. At one point I literally start smoking.
“Daddy!” cries a little kid, running away, “It’s going to explode!”
“NO … WAIT … STOP …”
[FATAL ERROR: END PROGRAM]
Photos and video by Sawyer Ross
