FRINGE 2019 HAT LINE: Street performers deserve our applause – and our money
So that’s it for the 2019 Edmonton Fringe Theatre Festival. One more day. We’ve seen the 250 plays, give or take a play, gossiped about two different yet strangely related scandals (long story), and sampled fare from least three different curry stands.
Now can we give a little love to our underrated and often poorly-treated outdoor performers?
They work hard! And they pay to be here – outdoors in frightful Edmonton weather: heat, wind, plus rain, and sleet, also audience apathy; they put up with being treated as an annoyance, along with rambunctious drunks or small children with poor impulse control – and all to entertain us. Most of us don’t even bother to put money in the hat at the end of the act. We just slink away with our disgusting dripping paper food plates.
Jay the Juggling Magician
For shame! These are gifted vagabonds, professional-quality circus-folk from all over the world (performers from Canada, US, Israel, Sweden, and of course Australia were noted this year). They travel the world (North America and Europe in the summer, Australia in their summer) doing impressive various tricks with often dangerous props, woven into a sometimes not-too-bad comedy routine, interacting hilariously with volunteers, doing it all, while juggling or whatever, honing their act. Street performance is an art, and a science. How much would you pay for 15 minutes of such quality entertainment? A ticket to an hour-long indoor Fringe play costs $13. Do the math.
Sadly the awkwardness of it all is that these outdoor artists make their living entirely from not just how good their act is, but the effectiveness of their beg. They call it “the hat line.”
One of the funniest things – if you’ve been to the Fringe for a lot of years – is hearing the same pitches over and over again. Remember the rule of 3-and-23: A joke stops being funny after the third time told, then becomes funny again at No. 23 and every time thereafter until you go insane.
Here are a few good hat lines overheard (in so many words) on the outdoor stages at Fringe 2019:
Most common of all: “If you liked the show, put some money in the hat. If you didn’t like it – put some money in the hat. There’s no sense in both of us going home disappointed.”
“If you didn’t like the show, write your complaint on the back of a $20 bill and put it in the hat. I promise to read them all.”
“If you leave without paying, you will find your dog dead when you get home.”
“I’m not on welfare, so you can pay me now or pay me later.”
“I don’t have to do this for a living. I could be robbing your houses.”
“Please support the arts. If you don’t, I may have to get a job.”
“If you’re not from Canada, the $5 bill is the brown one.”
“Ask yourself: Is this act worth the price of a cup of coffee?”
“Just take a $5 or $10 out of your wallet – then drop your wallet in my hat.”
“Please help keep the street performers where they belong – on the street.”
“I’m looking for a cute kid as a volunteer. If you’re not cute, put your hand down.”
“Ma’am, may I borrow your baby? You’re not using it.”
“Parents: If your kids get this joke, that’s your fault – not mine.”
(Street performers can have great hat success if they give $5 to a kid volunteer during the show – therefore encouraging everyone to pitch in at the end)
“Sir, please be quiet and let me do my act. Do I come to your workplace and tell you how to practice international diplomacy?”
“Ladies and gentlemen: My father!”
“Nope, he’s not my dad. He’s actually my agent.”
BEWARE: This (real, more or less) exchange can (and did) lead to the rambunctious drunk wanting to be part of the act. Awkward!
If you do theatre in the street – the street will become part of your theatre!
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