HOCKEY: In the Box with Brent & Craig
Winnipunted
That’s it? Yup. That’s it. The Oilers drop four in a row to the Jets and are headed to the golf course. What do Craig and Brent have to say about the worst feeling in the whole world? Probably lots.
Brent Oliver
Fucking goddamn piece of shit motherfucking donkey balls. After four very close games (remember the empty netters in the 1st game) and three games going to OT, the Oilers get swept by the fucking Winnipeg Jets and fail yet again to win any playoff games or advance. Besides the collosal meltdown in the last 8 minutes of Game 3, the Oilers played close enough and well enough to win, but just – didn’t. Why?
Well, here’s why.
1 – Coaching
Dave Tippett messed with lines, like – a lot. No two games were ever the same, and when it didn’t click automatically, he seemed to abandon them for other combos. Kahun with McDavid? GTFO here. Defensive coaching was also incredibly suspect and the entire staff was out coached by a team that on paper, was not as skilled as the Oil.
2 – Reffing
I know, I know – here comes the homer take that the refs called one team different than the other, but the amount of McDavid clutching and grabbing by comparison was a joke. The 1 game suspension for Archibald was warranted as a penalty and suspension, but when a Jet kneeing McDavid in the 3rd period of last night’s game and didn’t even get a call? Fuck off. No really, fuck right off.
3 – Leadership
While everyone will point to McDavid screaming on the bench about tape to tape passes or whatever, it was clear that whether it was him, or the other core group of players – didn’t have enough leadership to steady a ship when things were bad, or push the team over the edge to victory. Only Mike Smith seemed like the type of veteran leadership needed on this team, that he showed on and likely off the ice. When I look at Blake Fucking Wheeler taking a shot to the balls to protect his team I end up thinking, we need a guy like that.
Now what? Are we just comfortable being punted yet again from the playoffs? Are we mad? Will we forget in 48 hours? Here’s some Predictsh for the upcoming off season.
Holland, Tippett or some combo of coaches will lose their jobs. You can’t fire the players, so you have to fire someone.
McDavid is pissed. I think he has every right to go to management and says get me some decent players, or I’m fucking out of here.
Nuge gets traded. Hopefully they don’t fuck this up, but I feel its inevitable.
Mike Smith gets re-signed for another year and we waive Koskinen over to the Kraken
Pool Party also gets traded. Some other team sees the potential, and he flourishes in – let’s say – Vegas.
We desperately need to shore up the back end D, but likely won’t unless there’s a GM change.
I think that’s it as we move into the summer, cursed to walk these lonely streets wondering again – what could have been if we all hadn’t been born in Edmonton.
Fuck.
Craig Douglas
I think I’m done with this team.
Maybe it’s the triple OT hangover talking, and maybe when autumn rolls around and the team is revamped with a real goalie and some top six wingers I’ll have a change of heart, but at the moment I don’t give a shit. It’s too frustrating watching McDavid get mauled by any goofball opponent who sucks and is incapable of doing anything other than impeding him and somehow getting away without being whistled. I don’t want to hear about the weirdo owner and his shit for brains buddy Nicholson ruining the team with their asinine decisions. I don’t want to hear the name Koskinen again, let alone watch him perform his magic trick of letting in the first shot of every game over and over and over again. I don’t give a shit whether or not they buy out James Neal or Zack Kassian or some other dead weight anchor of a stupid fucking contract. I can’t be bothered to care if they re-sign RNH or let him walk because whichever path they choose it will inevitably turn out to be the wrong one. I don’t care who they lose to the stupid Kraken in the expansion draft, but I’m sure they’ll manage to fuck that up somehow too. I’m so sick of hearing about scrubs and plugs like Haas and Russell and Kahun and Turris and Nygard, they’re all fucking useless and this ridiculous fucking team can’t get out of its own way and they’ve all got their heads up their asses and another thing … okay now I’m just rambling like a lunatic …
With regards to the series in general and last nights game specifically, full credit should definitely go to players like McDavid, Draisaitl, Nurse, Larsson, and the handful of others who delivered amazing performances that more than justified their various salaries, I just hope that Holland can somehow build a real team around the various players that are worth what they’re being paid. For all the progress that this organization has made trying to undo all of the different damages done by that insane ratfuck Chiarelli, there is still a long, long way to go. It’s not going to be easy to find a real goalie, some wingers that can actually keep up with Connor and put the puck in the net when he dishes them out of this world passes, a little more help on defense (although hopefully most of that help can come from the farm via Bouchard and the other youngsters), and possibly a new coach.
I’ve just wasted four evenings and several cans of lager watching this team flame out against an opponent that they should be capable of beating, sure it was about as close as you can get in a four game sweep, but what a demoralizing bunglefuck the playoffs have been the last two years for fans of this team. As a life long Leafs fan I’ve gotten more than my share of misery via this dumb fucking league, so there’s really no reason for me to keep heaping more frustration onto my shoulders just because I happen to live in the lovely city where this dumb fucking team resides. At least they got swept and I don’t have to watch them lose again tomorrow night. If anyone wants an uncomfortable spot on the bumpiest bandwagon ride in the world, feel free to hop into my vacated spot and enjoy yourself, I’ll hop back on whenever I see fit, but I don’t think that’s going to be anytime soon. Smell you later, suckas.
So, that’s it for the first year of In The Box on GigCity.ca. Remember that if your business wants to sponsor two idiots with a profanity problem, feel free to contact Mike Ross directly and we’ll be back for more pain and suffering next year.
Every. Damn. Time.
See you next time – In the Box.
