HOCKEY: In the Box with Brent & Craig
It Takes Two To Make a Thing Go Right
Two games in and the Oil are unbeaten. 82 and 0 here we come!
In all seriousness, the Oilers looked very good in their opening week pulling off a shootout against the godless Canucks and a complete bloodbath beatdown of the hated Flames on Hockey Night in Canada. Can they keep this up? Or are Oilers fans too busy planning a parade to notice a few cracks in the armour. Craig and Brent are your guides to the ups and downs of being an Oilers fan – presented by Home & Away.
Oilers 3
Canucks 2 (SO)
Craig Douglas
Here we go with a brand new season as we all hope to avoid a case of “the same old Oilers”. With some new In The Box favorites like Zach Hyman in the fold, as well as some old favorites like Nuge and Nurse locked up long term, there is finally a feeling of optimism in the air. Maybe? Just a little? With two of the absolute best players in the world playing for the home team, one would hope that a little optimism wouldn’t be too much to ask for. This game was mostly absent of any same old Oilers feeling and actually looked like a great sign of things to come.
Blowing a two goal lead with under ten minutes left in the game is obviously ass, but let’s not dwell on a little detail like that when we’re discussing a big old W in the first game of a long season. Instead why don’t we scream about the unstoppable top line, shiny new toy Hyman getting his first goal on a beautiful tap in, and the amazing fucking power play!!! I’d also be remiss to not mention the continued solid goaltending from Mike Smith, aside from a bit of a weak goal by Hughes that tied the game he looked good out there and 36 saves is nothing to sneer at. I’ve been guilty before of bemoaning the lack of star power in net (mostly because Koskinen and his habit of letting in the first shot drives me crazy) but I’m willing to give this tandem a chance this year, and I sincerely hope that they can win me over and shut me up.
Overall it wasn’t quite the dream scenario for opening night but I don’t see how anyone could not be happy with the way things went. It was a little disappointing and weird to see a shootout after the Oil had avoided that stupid gimmick since January of 2020, but two points is still two points. Speaking of two points, that’s how many Connor tallied on the night and I just wanted to have that noted. Also worth noting? How about the special teams? Everyone knows that the power play is fucking aces, but the penalty killing was also looking pretty damned fresh on the night as they managed to kill off four out of the five (ridiculous) chances that the dumb Canucks got with the man advantage. One more thing worth noting, while they didn’t score, the line of RNH, Hyman and Yamo looked fucking great out there and really helped erase the feeling of sadness that we all used to feel in past seasons when the McDavid line would go off the ice and you’d just be killing time half paying attention to the game just waiting for “the only good line” to get back on the ice.
Brent Oliver
Echoing Craig’s sentiments, boy it was nice to see the Oil win, with a crowd, and some new and returning players. Plus beating my most hated franchise in all of sports is a cherry on top of a whipped cream of their sweat and tears on top of a cake made from the remains of Trevor Linden and the Sedin twins. Mmmmm – that’s good humiliation!
Besides the one weak (or unseen) second goal of the Canucks, Smith was on fire. I’m really thinking he’s going to prove that last year’s second half of the season was no joke, and a dude who’s only 6 years younger than me can probe all the haters wrong. Yes, Kosk is going to need to come in for relief duty for about 20-25 games, but if Smith can stay hot, and not burnt out – he looks unstoppable. Speaking of unstoppable – Connor fucking McDavid. At 24 (!!!), he’s proven he’s the best player in the league and only going to get better. He’s even improved his acting chops with the Body Break dinosaurs!
While shootouts suck balls, I’m always a little happier when we win them especially for a first game of the season. More please.
Oilers 5
Flames 2
Craig Douglas
Hat trick McDavid! Suck it Calgary!
Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way first, the team can not keep giving up so many shots on goal the way they have over the first two games this season. 38 versus Vancouver and fucking 47(!) against Calgary, that is baaaad news. They also need to trim some of the power plays they are giving up, those are the kind of trends that are going to end up burning them badly. I’ll wait until the season goes on a little longer before I bother crapping on the always terrible officials, but those are noteworthy numbers that need to be rectified. That being said, it’s still two wins in a row to start the season, so let’s get back to the Hat trick McDavid! Suck it Calgary! side of things.
That was a damn fun Battle of Alberta to watch and I wish I could have been there to witness it in person. Connor McDavid’s 11th career hat trick(!), 45 saves from Mike Smith, three point nights for Dr. Drai and Puljujarvi, Calgary losing another season opening game (they haven’t won one since 2009 which I find hilarious), this game had a little bit of everything you could want in a win. I think my favorite part was when Calgary took the lead and thought they had a fucking chance, and then 26 seconds later Puljujarvi raced in and scored to remind them that they never had a chance because they suck.
That is a seriously lousy hockey team that they have over there and it’s going to be funny when they end up making the playoffs because the Pacific Division is just that shitty, and then they get so thoroughly embarrassed when they’re destroyed by a real team and eliminated from the playoffs so fast that their hillbilly fans will only be able to cry tears of shame into their gross farmer beards. It’s too bad that psycho Andersson only got a $5,000 fine for his ridiculous headbutt on Yamo, but winning is always the best revenge and it’s a damn shame that the Oil won’t have an opportunity to beat them again until after Christmas.
Brent Oliver
That’s where I’ll start – the beginning of the penalty parade. I normally watch these games on delay due to my three kids, home responsibilities and hatred of all advertising during games. Craig was nice enough to send me a text during the first that simply said “Bloodbath! Bloodbath!”. I then perused twitter to see a few people asking “wasn’t that a headbutt?”. Well, sure as shit – that was a headbutt. Andersson should have got a major at least, and a 10 game suspension for that flagrant bullshit. Thankfully Yamamoto only ended up with a bloodied mouth.
I will say that this is what I want to see from the Oilers, so early in the year. We can outskate any team, out hustle them, out pass them, and when played physical – kick them in their fucking necks. The Oilers played a near perfect run and gun game, and when the Flames got a bit close, they clamped it down to ensure victory.
Finally – and this could be the measure of how well they’re playing – I haven’t determined the Kent Oliver Memorial Award yet. Every year, in the tradition of my late Dad, I pick an Oiler to hate on for the season and so far, I got nothing. Maybe Koskinen after his first start? Not yet. Maybe Keith for that dumb contract and for him being a science denying idiot? Nope – he’s been mostly fine. I’m sure it’ll come eventually, but for now – you’re all being very good boys.
Craig Douglas
The Connor McDavid Player Of The Week Award
The inaugural CMPOTWA of the 2021-22 season goes to … Connor McDavid motherfuckers! Suck it Calgary!
Predicsh
10/19 vs Anaheim – Hoo boy, the Ducks are one shitty team these days. The Oil are going to make them look silly and if their actually still pretty damn good starting goalie, John Gibson, is still injured when Tuesday rolls around they’ll be looking even sillier. The boys could really pad their stats against the lowly lame Ducks.
Final score: Oilers 5 Lame Ducks 1
10/21 at Arizona – Speaking of shitty! Hooooooo boy, who the fuck is even on the poor Coyotes these days? I’m going to now spend the next 60 seconds trying as hard as I can to name any of their players … They might still have that guy whose last name is something like Chychrun? I know they traded Ekman-Larsson to Vancouver this off-season, so they have some ex Canucks, but that’s as good as I can do. I guess we can all tune in Thursday to find out who plays for this sad, stupid franchise in 2021. Fucking pathetic.
Final score: Oilers 7 Coyotes 2
10/22 at Las Vegas – The lame team from the lame city with the lame name and the lame uniforms, but they’re not bad at hockey, so this could be a bit of a test for the boys. I still say we beat them and McDavid gets another hat trick for good measure.
Final score: Oilers 4 Knights 3 (OT)
As mentioned, one more game at home Tuesday before the team heads to California-ish. Can they maintain momentum on the road? Will the boys be as high on them next week as this? Is this real life?
See you next time – In the Box.
